Goodbye Cleanse, Hello Cleanliness

Day 4.  I gave up.

The symptoms from yesterday, apparently, are normal.  It’s the sickness that’s been building in your body that is being released, so of course, there will be physical discomfort.

Me and Mellow, Enjoying the Breeze

However, with zero energy and zero focus, I was basically a cardboard cutout of myself, barely even able to stand upright.  My body needed sustenance. Robert, my boss and mentor, suggested that cleanses are healthy but with the right preparation.  I now agree, as I had none.

While my cleanse lasted half the minimum amount of time suggested, I did gain insight.  My body, overall, feels healthier.  I’m drinking more than 8 glasses of water a day, and I just feel clean.

My goal is to not consume processed anything, including so-called “healthier” snacks, like granola bars, most peanut butters, veggie chips.  Last night, I baked my own granola, with organic maple syrup, cinnamon, sliced raw almonds, and dried raisins.  Since I’m vegetarian, I plan on making protein shakes on days I exercise heavily, using nonfat Greek Yoghurt, almond milk, water, and some form of fruit.   Coffee will still remain a staple; however, I’d like to stick to half-caff the majority of the week, so when I do choose to indulge in fully caffeinated, it actually takes affect!

My friend Zakk and I visited the Farmer’s Market up north, in the Triangle, and they produce vegetables from local farmers that are in season.  This helps the local economy, but also cuts down on pollution, because foods aren’t shipped in from miles and miles away, and because of this, aren’t as damaged.

I understand why so many people get annoyed with these types of health choices.  It takes effort and research (oh no!).  But, like deciding which book to read next, or what movie to see at the theatre—food is just as important to choose wisely.

Here’s an excellent site to see what foods are grown in season near you: http://www.sustainabletable.org/shop/seasonal/

Thanks for sticking with me through this! Hope you’re all feeling healthy and energized

Day 3, Le Mis

Perhaps I’m just a big baby, but… this cleanse is really sucking.  I feel awful.  Extremely weak.  Nauseous from the Salt Water Flush.  Physically uncomfortable from Salt Water Flush.  Raging headache.  No focus.  Cold and hot chills.  It’s the equivalent to a strong hangover.  And like Alcohol binges, I’ve made myself sick!

Considering ending early.  After the flush is totally out of my system for the day, I plan to drink more lemon pepper water, and then see how I feel.  If still unfocused and low energy, I will move onto other drinks that provide protein, like Almond Milk.  It’s just not worth the exhaustion, especially when I have work to do.

More soon.

Tuesday, the Anti-Fat.

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse, and it just happens to be Fat Tuesday.

It feels like my days have been stretched, increased by an extra five hours.  Yesterday seems as far away as two days ago.  I hope this does not mean my memory is faltering; it already suffers enough!

Currently, I’m sitting in the kitchen while Elizabeth cooks something that smells like meat.  We began the day walking Town Lake, observing nature and many odd fragments of passing conversation. (“Well, that’s her sister, so that’s her problem,” and “She gets everything, and I get nothing!”).  We saw dogs, swans, butterflies, turtles, a herd of fish not moving, and a cardinal.

I did not do the Salt Water Flush but plan on it tomorrow.

I also have not tried to do anything incredibly productive.  That changes today.  The new moon is at 4:35 Central Time, meaning write out your goals for the month, particularly ones that emphasize your dreams, since this moon falls in Pisces (as well as the Sun).  This aspect is good for any spiritual development you wish to make, so go deep with your thoughts: where would you like to be by the end of this month?  Imagine yourself there, how it looks and feels, smells.  What must you let go of to move forward?  What tools will you need?  What tools do you already have, just by being you?

Measured my waist and belly, and it’s the same as yesterday.  I don’t imagine I’ll lose much, to be honest.  My body is at its desired weight, even if it’s not my desired weight.

My hope is that this cleanse releases me from the attachments I make in my mind that revolve around food. It’s been a struggle, especially watching Elizabeth drink coffee, or end her day with a beer.  The hunger part I mentioned yesterday is true; after drinking a cup of the mix, I feel satiated.  It’s the mouth that wants.

Time to be productive! Write out your dreams!

Master Cleanse!

Three days of new faces, spikes of joy, and swift energy dips—yes, cons are cool, but I am happy to return to my rightful place of introversion! Windows open, music loud, incense burning.  Ahhh.  Bliss.

This time of shutting myself in brings a new challenge, however:  The Master Cleanse.  You know, the lemon/cayenne pepper/maple syrup/purified water mix Beyonce used during Dreamgirls that’s supposed to clean the system of all its gunk and requires not eating for (an average of) 7-10 days?

Today, I began with a salt water flush.  It’s disgusting.  32 ounces of lukewarm water with 2 teaspoons of non-iodized salt.  This is what colonoscopy patients are given.  It rids the digestive tract of toxins and parasites, which means, stay close to the bathroom!

It’s not all gross, though.  Grade B Maple Syrup, as it turns out, is extremely delicious. And, I’m allowed Green Tea for energy, meaning I can still walk to Summer Moon, should I desire working there, instead of at the house!

I plan to document my discoveries throughout the week, to see if this Master Cleanse actually “works.”

Day 1 Waist: 25.6 inches

Day 1 Belly (largest part of belly, not actual waist): 29.6 (geez) 

General Energy: Wouldn’t want to run a marathon (or even half!), but could do a couple hundred jumping jacks.

Emotional State: Confused (see below). 

They say you’re not supposed to be “hungry,” on this cleanse, but “cravings” will occur.  I forget that I’m not supposed to be eating, and imagine myself going to the kitchen to pull out some hummus and carrots.  Habit! I wonder how often I consume strictly for that reason, because it feels normal and nice to eat. 

I dreamt last night (after deciding to do this cleanse) of dinners and food, and in my dreams, felt panicked.  It wasn’t even foods I normally eat.  They were indulgence foods, like sweets and breads.  I think my body and mind is afraid of this type of fasting and what it might do to my comfort levels. 

We’ll see! More later!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moon Sliver,/ I’m Winking, Too

What is rooted is easy to nourish. 
What is recent is easy to correct.
What is brittle is easy to break. 
What is small is easy to scatter.



Put things in order before they exist. 
The giant pine tree grows 
from a tiny sprout. 
The journey of a thousand miles 
starts from beneath your feet.


-Lao Tzu

What I’m learning: prevention vs. permission.  What we allow to take over, corrode, permeate, dismantle.  “Put things in order before they exist.”  This means dishes as they dry, even if there are no more to be washed.  The sink will fill.  A full sink is a full mind is a full belly is an ulcer.  Most Western medicines treat symptoms; it does not seek sources, or pre-sources–what we do before the damage is done.  So, even with medication, we quickly return to the place that keeps bringing us back the pharmacist.

Last week, I saw an acupuncturist, one whose teachings and opinion I trust; she looked at my body, the acne on my back, heard me talk of anxiety and unrest, and said: you need to stop drinking coffee.  Coffee! A variable in my diet I hardly even stop to think about.  Yesterday I visited a masseuse, a woman with a warm spirit and soft voice.  She pressed her hands on the knots in my back, and said I should probably start sitting upright.  Today, I’m arching my shoulders back.  Taking breaks from the computer to stretch.  Too many things repeat on their own, it seems.  Our bodies, these sores that keep swelling.

Hafiz, Rumi, Osho, Eli, & that ole I Ching

With That Moon Language

Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them, “Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud,
otherwise someone would call the cops.
Still, though, think about this,
this great pull in us to connect.
Why not become the one who lives
with a full moon in each eye
that is always saying, with that sweet moon vision,
what every other eye in this world is dying to see?

–Hafiz

Osho says the same thing, with emphasis on courage.  When we feel unloved, he says to love more, love louder.  Love like flowers and thunder, the type of love that shakes our boundaries.  If we get out what we put in, what other option is there?

Some Kiss We Want

There is some kiss we want with
Our whole lives, the touch of
Spirit on the body. Seawater
Begs the pearl to break its shell.
And the lily, how passionately
It needs some wild darling! At
Night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come and press its
Face against mine. Breathe into me.
Close the language-door and
Open the love-window. The moon
Won’t use the door, only the window.

–Rumi

Last night, while walking down South First around midnight and panicking about life, my much more level-tempered roommate, Eli Smythe, reminded me of something crucial: that we’re just waiting to discover what is already placed in front of us.  Most of the time, things we already know.  What do you even want, she asked?

**

Bits from today’s I Ching: “Perhaps this road has chosen you…. accept and bear with discomfort of chaos without pushing it away…. allow things to clear without force…. give trust where it is due, where it is not, do not resort to harshness….even small courage will be rewarded….. Be what you dream of being and only your inner heart will know the gain and loss.”  Sky and Fire.  Water and Thunder.

**

I suppose there’s richness, also, in hunger.  That gorgeous, freeing empty feeling.  When I let all the air out, and I can sit on my back porch in the middle of the night, look into the black sky, and see the moon as it wanes.

Word Chess

Word nerds, play along!

the whole world, a conjunction:   and still     for     not but      or so         yet. 

conjunctions held the world: and not for, or but, yet so still

the world, in conjunct: and yet, not still, or for, but so.

 

YOUR TURN!